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Oregon and Utah

We tried to drive straight through to Oregon. That did not happen. We made it to Laramie, Wyoming and decided that neither one of us could drive further without putting everyone on I-80 in danger. Food on the way was chosen by whatever was off the exit, and not what was healthiest. I knew that this was going to be the case. Pausing my new lifestyle in order to make it through this trip was frustrating for me. However, I knew that if I attempted to keep up with my new habits that I would fail and be even more frustrated. So I decided to meal share when I could, or order menu options that were as healthy as possible. I knew I wasn't going to lose weight, but I sure as hell didn't want to get back up to 248. I am originally from California. I have lived in Indiana for about a decade. One of the main reasons why I was willing to go on this trip to visit my in-laws and support my husband by going with him to a conference in Utah was that Utah has many of my favorite restaura
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The Beginning

I had already made the decision that I wasn't going to go an ounce above the 248 I had just witnessed appear on the scale. I am sure I weighed more than that in the few months prior to braving the scale, however, since it wasn't documented I do not know the heaviest I have been. The feminist in me keeps telling me that the number is of no importance as it doesn't define me. The sociologist in me wants the exact and most accurate data. I still struggle with this. I didn't know if I should start with my food or my exercise. Either way, it seemed like it was going to suck monkey balls. So I started off slow. I cut out "real" soda and went to straight Diet Coke. Then I signed up for a functional fitness class at 6:30am on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I figured that this would be a good start to see how well I handled cutting back sugar and pushing my body to move.  I was pleasantly surprised. After a few weeks, the scale started going down. It wasn't a

248 Pounds

I don't know if 248 pounds was my heaviest weight or if it just happened to be where I was when I realized I couldn't keep getting heavier. I stepped on the scale and when I saw that I was well over what I weighed when I was pregnant with my second child, I was heartbroken. I would normally have expected myself to cry. That didn't happen. I just stared at the flashing numbers on the scale and something clicked. I didn't want to keep getting heavier. I didn't want daily tasks to get harder and harder until I couldn't do them anymore. I struggled with the feelings I was having. I am a feminist. I am body positive. I am all about taking up room and reclaiming space. I felt that I should have been happy regardless of my weight. Was I betraying myself and my beliefs and giving into the male gaze? Sitting down on my bed, I blinked a few times trying to clear the number I just saw from my brain and looked at my chihuahua. He loved me regardless of my weight. He d